Friday, November 28, 2008

When I remember Eva


When I remember Eva, I remember long pigtails flipped on top of my head, I remember walking thru Fred Meyers ashamed of my goofy hair but excited to eat at Roses once again. I remember bunches of vitamins by my breakfast plate and bleach bottles full of scalding hot water at the bottom of my bed at night to keep my feet warm. I remember the can by the end of the bed so if I had to get up in the night to pee I would not fall down the extremely steep stairs... I remember her Salvation Army hat, her bell and the Salvation Army camp song... I remember being called Shanni, I remember the feel of my face nestled in her well endowed breasts while she stroked my head and promised all would be OK.


I remember the anger on her face when anyone hurt those that were hers... I remember her driving the wrong way on a one way street at a time in her life when driving was quickly becoming a thing of the past.. I remember her sitting in her chair watching the Ed Sullivan show and the love she had for her husband of many years. I remember bananas, I remember the bowl full of candy when we would come to visit.. I remember that all was safe in her arms, in the bed her and I shared when I stayed over. I remember feeling safe and loved.


I remember her day to die, still so vividly, even though it was many years ago, me by her side just as she was by my side when I was born into this world.... I remember her last breath. I remember my overwhelming pain as I said goodbye to the only stability I had known, my beloved grandmother. I love you my grandma... I miss you, some days more than others.. I cannot say why, I just do... You blessed my life, you prayed me into the kingdom, I pray I make you proud, and lastly I cannot wait to stand by your side again...

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